I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
