I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
