Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
