Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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