i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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