For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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