White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
