I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
