please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
