im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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