We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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