...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm at about main and main street
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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