Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
This is the high leading the old right now
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
