smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
well, you know. whores of a feather.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
