real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
