No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
