Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
she smelled like a LAN party
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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