Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
