it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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