I can't watch pbs sober anymore
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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