the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
