But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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