I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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