sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
