why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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