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• (810): View more from Michigan

  i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.

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• (865): View more from Tennessee

  If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.

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• (516): View more from New York

  All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up

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• (607): View more from New York

  Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous

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• (415): View more from California

  After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.

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• (417): View more from Missouri

  Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?

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• (516): View more from New York

  When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?

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• (925): View more from California

  I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  Are you still in his room?

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.

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• (438): View more from Quebec

  I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience

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