benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
