I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
