Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I smell like Dick and happiness
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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