she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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