You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
