i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
