If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
