i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
