I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
