false alarm. still invincible.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Randomize
