Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
