I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
