in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
