Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
