Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
