The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
