It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
