you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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