There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
