just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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