so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
