apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
