I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
