and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
