I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
