Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
